When life seems to stop

I remember the night really well. I got a call from the care center my Mom had been living in for a few years. She had a personal phone line in her room, but from time to time I would get a call from the nurse or her if her line was not working. I took a breath and answered. The CNA told me that they had just sent my Mom to the hospital by ambulance and she didn't look good at all. I thanked her and hung up. With in 10 minutes I had kissed my family goodbye, packed a few extra things in my purse (gum, money a book) in case it was a long ER visit and headed to the hospital. I walked into the ER and saw my Mom on one of the ER beds like I had so many times before and gave her a smile. She smiled back. 4 days later she touched my face for the last time and I said good bye as I held her and she met Jesus face to face.

There are many more details that I happily share with anyone who will listen! But the point I want to make right now is that when I got that phone call it was as if life stopped for me for a bit. It didn't matter what bill was due, or who would be driving my kids to school. Because of my family and friends, people who care about me, I was able to "stop life" and spend those precious few days with my Mom.

It was that way when I gave birth also. When it was time, it was time! Everyone gave our family grace! The world stopped and our focus was so small at that time! We could focus on the most important thing, our newest baby! Then a few hours later our focus enlarged a bit to include our other children, then extended family and friends, and little by little life came back.

This is how I want to be with Jesus! I pray that when I sit to do devotions, or during my prayer time that my world can just stop for a few minutes. Man, if I could get to the place where my focus is so narrow that all I see is Jesus, could you imagine how He could change me? Nothing of this world would matter at that point! I would not be presenting my request to Him, or even thanking Him for all He has done for me, I would just be able to focus on Him, who He is, what He means to me, what I mean to Him. That is true intimacy with God, that is where I want to be more and more! Oh, don't get me wrong, I have had those times with my Lord. But what I am talking about is getting to the point where those times are present daily, where more of my life is spent in that place than not! Lord help me, Lord help us all!

God gives us what we need!

A little boy named David knew the horrible things that were going on with his family. He knew God had a plan, and he knew he was Gods plan. Could you imagine the pressure David felt? The weight that must have been on his shoulders! I mean come on, his older brothers had already been fighting, and they could not gain any ground.

I bet the family was questioning where God was! I bet they had prayed for God to send help! And I bet that was the vary moment David entered the room! I can imagine them all throwing back their heads and letting out belly laughs. I mean David, little David! I picture his Dad giving a stern look to the older brothers and then smiling and biting his lip as he tried to take Davids heart felt proposal seriously.

And David just kept moving ahead, every step with God's prompting. It is easy for us to cheer, "you go David" from this angle! I've read the story, and many more that shows how God always came through for David. WOW, You go God! But I so know a little about what David must have felt as he entered the meeting area of his father and older brothers. He had a mandate from the God of creation. The one who had been speaking to his family for generations was now speaking to him!

I have heard God's voice in my own life many times. It can come as a still soft voice, just knowing how God wants me to act. I have felt a little nudge as the heart of God grabbed my own heart and I knew I was His answer to someone else. And I have felt the sting of Gods precious discipline when He needed me to change. That resent Thursday morning at Cannon Beach I felt God showing me an ugly dark spot on my heart, that was in danger of bringing a wedge between Him and I. I remember covering my face as the hot tears ran down my cheeks. I remember hearing things go on around me, but none of it mattered, I was having an alter service with my Lord, He was talking to me, and I was finally listening!

In the days that followed, God and I have had many of talks. I have been reminded to ask before I leap. To question my motives in every thing I desire, and most of all I have realized again that the good in me comes from Him. Which is not the part that is hard for me, the part that has always been hard for me is learning that there is good in me at all! Knowing that I have a lot to offer that is good, and the reason is God made me that way!

What God is asking me to do looks impossible. I am trusting God to show me one step at a time, listen and act! He will give me all I need, and even if what He gives me to do the job looks like 3 small rocks in comparison to the task He has ask of me. I will remember, with God, I am unstoppable!

Next step!

For the past 2 months I have been taking pictures around my local area. The weather has been beautiful and the light is not a problem. But we do live in the Pacific NW, so that will end. That would make my Photography season so short! So I ask God, What next?

I have met with a friend and fellow photographer and we are working on a business plan! We are praying for $8000.00 to buy some studio equipment and I am getting excited to start shooting indoors as well!

What you must realize is I am just learning. I have been able to take amazing pictures only with Gods help (I can say they are amazing, because they amaze me as well)! And now as I believe Him for the money needed, I will also believe Him for the knowledge needed! I am reading books, looking at web sites, and am praying about taking a class (yep, learned my lesson, pray first register second)!

But whatever happens, IT IS MY DESIRE TO HONOR HIM! In all that I do. Pray with me will you?!

And then God spoke to my heart...and I finally listened!

The summer of 2008 I found myself without a job and not knowing what I was supposed to do. The past 2 school years I had worked at the private school my 2 youngest attended running the before and after school programs. I loved what I was doing, the students, and the school! I could see myself there for many years to come. But God had other plans.

In late July the principal informed me that they did not plan to renew my contract for the 2008/2009 school year. I was devastated! I had been a preschool teacher before my own children were born, it was what I did. So I set out to find work. July ended, August came and went. My children went back to school and so did all of my teacher friends. I had no place to go! By the 2ND week of school I was recording drama TV to watch! Not good! But as I said before God had a plan. By late September I was the director of an infant/toddler program linked to a teen parenting program for our local high school. I loved my job. I was needed and I thrived! Again, I began making plans to improve the program, work even more with the high school and could see myself continuing in that position for years to come. There is where my story will start! The program did not get funded, and as of right now is not funded! Yep, I am once again not working. Thank God I am also not recording drama TV!

By July of 2009 my plan was to go back to college and finish earning my degree. I enrolled, met with my adviser, filled out financial aid forms and began to make plans. You see, I have always regretted not finishing my degree. And in the recent years not having my degree has seemed to hurt me in the job market. So my plan was to finish my degree and the next time someone asked me if I had my degree I could answer yes! I do! That was my plan!

August 2009 I found myself at Cannon Beach Christian Conference Center. It was Thursday morning, I was at the morning session and we began singing the song "Lord I give You My Heart". The first line of that song is "It is my desire to honor You"... Have you ever had an intimate talk with God that only had to last about 10 seconds, but you knew the whole conversation? Well that is what happened during in that moment for me. I had made my plans, but I never considered if that was His plan for me and worse than that I never asked myself if my having a degree would honor God! This is for me, I support education. I believe to hold a degree is an honor! BUT, for me, at this time, I was in rebellion! I immediately began to cry. I cried all through the worship, special music, the meet and greet time and a little of the preaching, but in the end I felt right with God. I had repented and made the decision not to attend school in a few short weeks.

Now here is my story. Where is God leading. You know all the sayings, when God closes a door, there is another one that He opens. But a friend told me of a quote she read once "it is hell in the hallway". =) So true!

I am excited about what is to come! I have seen God to so many mighty things in me, in my life and in my family this past month! All praise goes to Him! This was the ground work, to catch you up, now I can start telling you about the path (curves and all) that I find myself walking. And I am so happy that you will walk a little with me!

A little about me

My name is Michelle Corbin. I am a 44 year old mother of 5 (24, 16, 16, 10 and 7) . I also have 2 beautiful grandchildren (3 and 10 months). I live in Portland OR with my husband of almost 19 years and my 4 youngest children.

I blogged a little a few years ago and enjoyed it, but with young children I didn't find the time to keep it up. Now all my children are in school, and I am so excited about what God is doing in and through me, that I thought I needed to start blogging again!

So here is my story. I am not sure what will happen, but it is my desire to honor God in everything I do. I pray that He will keep my feet on the path He has set for me. Come on, I am sure this will be a wild ride! =)